第七届全国创新英语作文大赛优胜作文选登10

The Advantages and Disadvantages of Computers

安明玉

山东省泰安市第一中学9班


Gone are the days when people have to ride thousands of miles away to send letters to our friends and relatives. Nowadays, with the development of modernization, computers have been common in our daily life. With the computers, we can communicate with our friends who are even millions of miles away. And we can buy what we want without walking out of the door. What's more, computers also broaden our horizens as well as richen our knowledge. Through the Internet, we can know more about the world, such as how many gold medals Chinese athletes have got in the Olympic Games, what is the life like in the cities of Sichuan and when our “Shenzhou-Ⅶ” will come back to earth. It seems like that the whole world is no more than one metre away (from the screen of computers to our own eyes). Besides, many difficult works can be perfectly and quickly finished by computers. It's no doubt that computers are playing a such an important role in our life that we cannot live without them.

However, overy coin has two cides. In spite of these advantages, computers are sometimes harmful to us if they are not properly used. According to a recent research, an increasing number of students are cocooring self themseloes in computer games. As a result, their marks are becoming lower and lower. What's more, some illegal information, which will do great harm to the children who do not always have a correct judgement, is spreading quickly through the internet. Thus can also lead to an increasing percentage of crime.

In my opinion, only if the computer is correctly used by us can it be a true friend and teacher of us. I believe that our society will be more peaceful and developed with all our offort and all of the disadoantages can be avoid successfully.

专家建议：

建议作者平时多练习议论文写作，并且在练习中要时刻提醒自己议论文写作的规则是什么，那就是文中的每一句话都是围绕文章主题进行的，至少，段落内的每一句话都是围绕段落中心的。作者在这方面还有空间提高。

专家点评：

本文运用了较多的高级词汇和表达；论证语言比较有力，得体；语法的多样性也有所体现；并且在文章中不乏新颖独特的语言表达。但是本文结构设置差强人意，冗长的第一段既是文章的引言段又充当了文章用于说明计算机给我们的好处的主题段，所以看起来不够清晰，明了。结尾的部分无论从语言还是内容来看都有待修改，如果不是因为时间仓促，那么这个结尾的创作就实在不是很用心了。