托福备考资料:T友写作范文汇总(四十八)

To begin with, we have countless basic challenges in our planet now. As we know, in Africa, many people face famine, poverty and sickness every day. They are suffering these disasters which wealthy individuals do not know at all. According to the statistics of UN in 2001, about 3,000,000 people died due to flood, drought and AIDS worldwide. Obviously, our top priority task is eliminating these famine, poverty and sickness as soon as possible. It is hard imagine that on the one hand, people hail the success adventure of Mars; on the other hand, millions of human beings struggle to obtain some baisc needs, such as food, water and fundamental medical care.

Moreover, our environment is deteriorated in the past 20th century. Ozone layers are almost depleted by the emissions released by automobiles, electricity plants and heating facilities. As a result, our skin exposes directly to radiations of sun, thereby increasing dramatically the possibilities of skin cancer. Furthermore, due to green house effect, the globe warming which melts south pole icebergs is the serious issue we should take care. If we fail to pay enough attention to this problem, the sea level will inevitably rise, flooding many cities ultimately.

Nevertheless, we do not deny that there are some advantages about exploring outer space, such as stimulating our desires of imagination and creativity. However, when face above severe problems now, we can take the wise step, that is, dealing with our planet basic needs.

In sum, taking into account previously mentioned reasons, which are adequate and persuasvie, we can arrive at the conclusion that though exploring outer space has some rosy prospects , satisfying all the human beings' basic needs is the first.

修改意见:
The question(it is not a question) at hand is (that)should the government (should) spend as much money on outer space exploring as on our basic needs on earth. Upon this issue, different people hold distinctive views due to their respective standpoints and backgrounds. Some agree such proposal, claiming that our live(life) will benefit from this adventure. As far as I am concerned, however, I totally disagree, and my position can be greatly substantiated by the following discussions.

To begin with, we have countless basic challenges in our planet now. As we know, in Africa, many people face famine, poverty and sickness every day. They are suffering these disasters which wealthy individuals do not know at all. According to the statistics of UN in 2001, about 3,000,000 people died due to flood, drought and AIDS worldwide. Obviously, our top priority task is eliminating these famine, poverty and sickness as soon as possible. It is hard imagine that on the one hand, people hail the success adventure of Mars; on the other hand, millions of human beings struggle to obtain some baisc needs, such as food, water and fundamental medical care.(so what? you mention a lot of problems that human beings are confronted with, but nothing relates to the space program. you assume that the funds can go to Africa rather than space program. if you state this point directly, it makes readers clearer.)

Moreover, our environment is deteriorated in the past 20th century. Ozone layers are almost (it is not true)depleted by the emissions released by automobiles, electricity plants and heating facilities. As a result, our skin exposes directly to radiations of sun, thereby increasing dramatically the possibilities of skin cancer. Furthermore, due to green house effect, the globe warming which melts south pole icebergs is the serious issue we should take care. If we fail to pay enough attention to this problem, the sea level will inevitably rise, flooding many cities ultimately.

Nevertheless, we do not deny that there are some advantages about exploring outer space, such as stimulating our desires of imagination and creativity. However, when face above severe problems now, we can take the wise step, that is, dealing with our planet basic needs.

In sum, taking into account previously mentioned reasons, which are adequate and persuasvie, we can arrive at the conclusion that though exploring outer space has some rosy prospects , satisfying all the human beings' basic needs is the first.

good conclusion
your language is good. but when you support your idea, there are two things that confused me: you make a big assumption that money should spend to the plant if money doesnot spend on the space program; you try to extragerate problems about wealthy individuals and Ozone layers and the global warming. these issues are debatble, and lots people in north America disaggree.