I Want to Grow Up

I am a girl of sixteen， and of course， I have a lot of dreams. One of them is that I want to grow up！ Sixteen is neither old nor young. Children who are only six call me aunt. But old people of sixty all look [look on me] （1） as a child！ I often wonder： am I still a child？ Sometimes I am exactly like a child： I like playing and enjoy eating. At school， I often forget to do my homework because of playing and I have to receive criticisms of [from] （2） my teachers. And in those cases I seldom forget to make faces. The teachers and my parents often say， “Look at that silly girl. She will never grow up！” It seems that you will do fewer silly things when you grow older. Then， what will I do when I grow up？

　　I will get rid of a lot of bad habits. Then， all the people have to accept the truth [fact] （ 3 ） that the little girl has grown up！ After I have finished college study， I will find a good job for myself. I want to be a lawyer and own a lawyer's office. I will do things for all people. I also want to be a writer and I will write novels and fairy tales for all children and make them happy. If I earn a lot of money， I will buy many things. Most of them are for my parents to show my thanks for their training me [bringing me up] （4） over so many years. With this sum of money， I can do a lot of other things that I like. Of course I will not forget to study. I must learn English well. I will read many great books from which I think I can learn a lot.

　　I know， however， that the way to success is very hard [not smooth] （5）。 In order to make my future life better， I must learn harder and harder from now on. I want to grow up！ I want to grow to be successful.

　　江苏省梁丰高级中学高一（1）班 邵玲玲

　　评 语

　　作者用热切的语言表达了渴望长大，渴望成才的心声。全文活泼流畅。文章中某些语言上的不足之处点评修改如下：

　　（1）“把……看成……”应为 look on…as…。

　　（2）前面用了动词receive，后面介词用from搭配较好。

　　（3）truth用得不妥，改为fact较好。

　　4）作者似乎想用training表示“培养”，有中国式英语之嫌，故改之。

　　（5）主语是way，表语用hard不妥，故改之。